03 October 24
Mark Mariano
8 ways to stay safe when meeting strangers for a hook-up
Meeting up with new people for casual or NSA (no strings attached) sex can be really fun and exciting! It can also, sadly, be dangerous too.
Here’s what you can do
Here are some ways to err on the safe side when meeting a stranger from online or at a beat (a location, often outdoors and public, where queer people cruise and meet for sex).
1) Act on any red flags as early as you can
While planning for sex doesn’t always require full conversations, there are still some red flags to keep an eye out for. If the interaction feels rushed, confusing or even volatile and aggressive – disengage, diffuse or block immediately. Do the same for IRL conversations. Trust your gut, you may have just dodged a bullet. If you want to go home with someone you meet (at a beat or venue), talk first to see if you feel safe with them. Avoid people or groups you think are suspicious – even if they look like your ‘type’.
2) False profile and image recognition
Some apps and beat-planning sites don’t have proper authentication processes in place, so it can be easy to fall prey to catfishing (people who create fake profiles or pretend to be someone else). Some scammer signs to avoid include: blurry/hyper-pixelated/old pics, screenshots, odd cropping, images of well-known celebrities or porn stars, phishing links etc. I personally also assess image backgrounds and can clock non-Aussie housing fixtures or flora and fauna – this may sound excessive, but can make all the difference!
3) Share your location with a loved one
This can be done in multiple ways, and it doesn’t have to be complicated! Just a simple ‘I’m meeting a guy at [Location] – can we check in later?’ message to your BFF works fab. Some phones even have just straight-up Location Sharing – WhatsApp and Facebook too – where a trusted third party can track your whereabouts.
4) Ensure your phone is charged and has access to reception
Both for the above note and for if you need to make any emergency calls. Consider investing in a good-quality phone charger to keep in your pocket or bag. Some chargers even double as torches, for if you’re meeting at night time/if you need visibility.
5) Double check the location you’re meeting is in proximity to help and support
Stay aware of your surroundings when travelling to the hook-up/beat. Take stock of nearby landmarks and emergency services like hospitals or police stations. If neither are around, make note of any nearby homes, petrol stations or 24/7 storefronts – they may come in handy. Consider opting to meet in places like saunas or adult cinemas, where there are staff on site to help.
6) Wear comfortable and mobile clothing
For if you need to run or shift locations. Avoid heavy and restrictive clothing like coats, and avoid bulky bags and large items. Always opt for a comfy sneaker over slippers, and bring sunscreen and bug spray for any forest fun.
7) Drink and use in moderation
It may even be best to stay sober, particularly in situations and environments where you don’t know anybody else. If you are to partake, do so responsibly or ideally with a friend or loved one around for support.
8) Have self-care and support networks ready
If an encounter has left you spooked, be sure to have some comforting Plan B’s in place. Perhaps a Facetime call with a good friend, or a rewatch of your favourite show with a fat tub of ice cream. If deeper help and healing is needed, consider reaching out to a mental health service.
Reporting a crime
In an emergency, call 000. After an incident has occurred and if you feel safe and ready to do so, you can report all incidents of abuse and/or violence to the NSW Police Force (131 444). However, if you have experienced a hate incident and have reported this to your local Command/District but have received a poor response (for example, you have requested a report be made but this has not occurred), you can email safety@acon.org.au for assistance escalating within the NSWPF.
More safety resources:
- eSafety Commissioner
- ACON – Safe Social Networks: A Guide to Resisting Racism and Queerphobia Online
- ACON – Safety Resources
- ACON – Responding to Hate
- ACON – SAFETY MESSAGES
- ACON – Beat Safe
- ACON – Historial Violence Project
- Australian Human Rights Commission
- Anti-Discrimination NSW
Mark Mariano (he/they) is a Filipino writer, model and podcast producer from Doonside in Western Sydney on Dharug land. Proudly queer, his work has been featured on Buzzfeed, SBS, ABC, and Queerstories. In 2023, he contributed to ACON’s editorial anthology ‘Stories Out West’, and starred in their ‘With Love’ campaign for Sydney WorldPride as ‘sexy sickly bear’. Mark loves thrifting and crying on public transport in hopes of getting scouted for a Netflix series.