HIV testing stories that will make you laugh

Getting tested for HIV and other STIs is a serious matter, but with everything in life, at times there can be a moment where something amusing or unexpected occurs that offers comic relief.

We asked the Ending HIV community to tell us about some of their funniest moments they have experienced while getting tested. Here are some of the highlights (or low-lights, depending on how you see it).

Ass-ume the position

I was 18 when I had my first STI test with my boyfriend at the time. I went to the sexual health clinic and the doctor advised that he would need to undertake an anal swab and told me to hop onto the examination table. I took my pants off and got onto all fours on the table and the doctor said “you can lie on your side”. I told my boyfriend at the time what I had done and he said he did exactly the same thing ????


(When they say you need to get up onto the table and you just do what’s natural for you)

Titanic swab story

For my very first test I needed an anal swab. I was pretty nervous and when the nurse had me recline on the bed, I tried to break the tension with a “paint me like one of your French girls” joke. Of course, I had the one nurse in the world that had never seen Titanic, and they made me explain the joke in full, making the moment even more awkward.


(I want you to swabdraw me like one of your French girls)

Afraid of needles

I have a fear of needles and when I was trying to have blood drawn I was having a panic attack, the nurse then refused to take a sample and requested that I calm down and come back later. During the second attempt, I still had anxiety but not so severe. I’m glad to report I successfully had blood drawn. However it didn’t end there, I received a phone call a week later with the nurse providing me free unlimited therapy for my fear of needles. I’m now in therapy purely for my fear of needles.


(But how did that make you feel?)

In the waiting room with Tay-Tay

I was patiently sitting in the waiting room to get my test done and the (really fantastic and lovely) reception staff was choosing a song to put on the TV screens. Clearly he fancied some Taylor Swift, and I leant over and whispered to my friend “God, wouldn’t it be inappropriate if he put ‘Bad Blood’ on in here?” Needless to say, he did. I’ll never forget the look I got from the stranger across the waiting room and how oblivious the reception staff was that day.


(T-swizzle brings strangers together in waiting rooms all across Australia, just look at her possie)